My “paper” coffee cup said that it was made of 100% recycled material, but it didn’t
specify that the recycled material is paper. This got me curious, so I investigated. This is
a listing of the recycled material that goes into a “paper” coffee cup.
21% shredded evidence of corporate crimes
12% stale doughnuts
10% unsanitary Goodwill clothing donations
10% premium cuts of AAA grade beef
9% business cards that no one ever read
9% asbestos removed from elementary schools
7% expired medications
5% discarded VHS tapes
4% sodium cyanide
3% insect offal
2% contraband seized by local police from raids
2% used syringes
1% wigs
1% mafia squealers
1% weapons grade plutonium
1% sperm
1% malaria
1% crushed fragments of conclusive evidence of the existence of an afterlife
